I’ve been smoking for a while now. Pretty much 13 or so years. I must admit, I enjoy it. I know I smell like smoke, which to non-smokers smells terrible, but it doesn’t change the fact that I enjoy it. I know that when I do quite, food will taste better, things will smell better, but still, I enjoy it.

I don’t know why I enjoy it so much. Is the addictive nature of nicotine fooling my mind into thinking I’m enjoying something that’s slowly killing me? Sure. That’s what it does. It’s funny when you think about it that way. I consider myself a pretty smart guy. Maybe I’m not a genious, but I know I’m not an idiot. Yet here I am, smoking a pack a day, when I know that no good is going to come from it. Quit the opposite in fact, only harm is coming from it.

Maybe smarts has nothing to do with it. Maybe it’s strength. Again, I consider myself a strong guy. Mentally and physically. Is it as simple as me just not having the strength to fight the urges to spark up a smoke? Maybe I’m not as strong as I thought I was.

I was always the first person to tell anyone that asked, yes I’m addicted to cigerettes. I would do that to be honest. It’s not something I’m proud of. I watch TV and see these drug addicts and the same thoughts go through my mind. They’re weak. If they had any strength at all, they would not have allowed themselves to get addicted to something like that. But now, when I’m on the verge of attempting yet again, to quit, do I look at myself and ask, “if you’re so superior to them, so much smarter and stronger than they are, why can’t you quit smoking?”

Funny when you look at it that way. I do enjoy smoking. I’m going to quit, because I need to for a variety of reasons. I’m sure I’ll miss it.

Speaking of which, 9:30am, time for a smoke break.

You have not lived, until you’ve gotten ready in the morning when it’s 50 degrees in your house. Wow, did that suck. So sometime this evening, we will be fixing the heater.

Kel bought a blood pressure cuff yesterday. We checked my blood pressure and it was 139/85. Quit a big difference from the 146/104 that it was a week ago. I guess the pills are working. Still going to see a doctor though, as I don’t want to never be able to work out again for fear I might pass out. But I’m on the right track. I also get my Welbutrim(sp?) today. I’ll start taking this, and in theory, I should be able to quit smoking in about a weeks time. We’ll see what happens.