Yes, I watched the final episode of Dancing with the Stars. Fine, I’m a big flaming homo.

Okay, now that thats out of the way, let me talk about it for a second.

I didn’t watch this show. As much as I can get hooked on reality TV like crack, this was a show that I wasn’t stuck on. The show is on Thursdays, same day as Survivor, so my inlaws asked Kel and I to tivo it for them so they could watch it after Survivor. We did, and they would come over after we had Survivor dinner to watch it. Because of this, I saw a most of a few episodes.

Tonight was the finale. First, let me tell you about the people left in it.

Stacey Keebler
Three words describe her. HOT HOT and HOT.

Drew Lachey
I thought this was dancing with the stars, not dancing with the stars, husbands brothers. I’ve never heard of this fucking guy before this show, and had no idea that he was in a boy band. I only knew the name Lachey because his brother Nick is Jessica Simpsons husband. I can’t figure out how this guy is considered a star. Whatever.

Jerry Rice
That’s right, Jerry Rice. He’s the man, no matter what he does.

These were the three that went to the finals. Stacey is the best dancer, because she was a professional dancer. Drew was also a professional dancer, because that’s what boy band guys do. They lip sync and dance. Jerry was the only person, as far as I’m concerned, that deserved to be there. He’s the only person that wasn’t paid to be a dancer before this show. The other two did it for a living for Christs sake.

So, I was wondering how the scoring thing works. Elaine clued me in that the judges give them a score. The team with the best score gets 3 points. Second gets 2 points, and thrid gets 1. It’s a reverse points system just like the one I use for our poker league. Then, there are phone in votes, and they use the same scoring system for that.

Here’s where it gets funny. After the final dances, Drew Lachey got 3 points for first. Stacey Keebler 2 points for second, and Jerry Rice got 1 for third. Half way through the show, they said who got voted off next, leaving only two people left. To everyones surprise, it was Stacey Keebler that was voted off. So it’s Jerry Rice verse Drew Lachey for the trophy.

I’m sitting there, at my inlaws house, and something hit me. There is no way Jerry can win. Since he only got one point from the judges, and Drew got three, and Stacey must have received the least amount of home votes (or she couldn’t have been voted off) then the best that Jerry could do was 4 points. The worst that Drew could do was 5 points. So it was mathematically impossible for Jerry to win.

I then proceeded to tell everyone in the room what I figured out. What I didn’t think about was that these people have watched this show for 8 weeks, and 1 hour before the finale, I ruined it and told them who won, and why I was right. Essentially, I “Eileened” the ending for them. I didn’t realize untill the ride home how funny, and completely shitty that was.

But since I look at the comedy in everything, I will tell the story as an anecdote as opposed to something shitty that I did.

A long time ago, Eileen went to see a movie. I asked how it was, and she told me the ending. We’ve been joking about it ever since. Tonight, we fell even when after 8 weeks, I ruined the end of this show for her. I can no longer call it “Eileening” a movie.

On more thing. I wonder how many people watching this show tonight realized what I realized when I was watching. It’s fairly obvious that ABC didn’t know. Basically, half way through a two hour special, they gave away the ending. I find it hard to believe that I’m the only one that figured it out.