You ever been sleeping, minding your own business, and all of a sudden your wife shoots up in bed, wakes you up and tells you that she heard someone coming in the house?

Last night, Kel shot up in bed and woke me up. She was saying “Honey! Honey!” in kind of a whispering/yelling voice. My first thought was “what the fuck?” then after I cleared the cobwebs, I asked her what was going on. She said that she heard someone coming in the garage door. (the one coming into the house)

Here’s what flashed through my brain in a split second.
If someone is here, what the hell am I going to do…other then be the first to die.
I need a gun.
Wait, the dog is sleeping, she didn’t hear shit, Kels for sure dreaming.
Dammit, I wish the dog would move over, she’s laying where my legs should be who the hell does she think she is?
What time is it….2:00am, cool I have a while to sleep!
Gotta rotate the pillow to find the cool spot again dammit.
Oh wait, let me see how Kel is doing….

Then, the best part of the whole thing, Kel says “Huh! Did you hear that one, what was that noise!?!”

The noise she was referring to was, of course, nothing. She was still half dreaming. So I told her everything was fine, and to go back to sleep. I took all of about 6 seconds to go to sleep myself. Then I get an email this morning that says “lol sorry about last night, I must have been dreaming”.

The best part is that during our correspondence this morning about our intruder last night, Kel sent this:

“Its funny NOW… last night I was ready to get a new dog… I thought how in the hell did I hear that and Jasmine is still sleeping.. lazy ass no good dog”

I fell out laughing at my desk. Because, as we came to realize, dogs can’t hear shit that only happens in your head.

Here is South Park Kelly:

and here is South Park Debber:

Added Cory:

Added David:

Erics Roomate:

Define, too much time on your hands. Hands! Get it!?! HA! I’m hilarious!!

CLICK ME

Me, in South Park:

I know it’s not new, but it’s still fun. See what you look like HERE

So, what do you guys think of the new season so far? FYI, if you haven’t watched it yet, don’t read the rest of this.

So, Junior shoots Tony, that was fun. I guess he’ll get that assisted living afterall huh, lol. Then you got Vito, the now skinny but still really fat, gay mafia guy. That’s a fun storyline. Especially that Meadows fiancee Finn, knows that he’s gay. That should make for some good times later. I loved how the guys were scrambling when Tony finally came out of his coma, how they were blowing off giving Carm any money untill he woke up. Fuckers. The second episode wasn’t as bad as everyone said it was, I actually kind of enjoyed it. Pergatory can be frustrating huh. Now Tony B showing up as the doorman at the house was fantastic (episode 3). I loved that part, and I was generally creeped out when I saw that lady that looked like the lady that played Tony’s Mom, especially since that actress is dead. That was wierd. But all in all, I’m pretty satisfied with whats going down. What do you guys think?

Holy shit, was this a crappy Monday. Man, I got the worst news, first thing this morning. Then my day just got worse. My Mom’s flower shop was robbed last night, and a lot fo shit was stolen or destroyed. What kind of asshole does a smash and grab at a fucking flower shop. Assholes.

It’s Friday, and it couldn’t have come sooner. So far this morning I’ve dealt with some asshole on the road who was going to read the paper instead of pay attention to what the fuck he was doing. And of course, that dickhead takes the exact same route to his job, as I do. Because of the 176 year old lady in the right lane driving the EXACT SAME FUCKING SPEED as the newspaper guy, I was stuck behind this prick the whole way in. I swear I wanted to ram him off the road, pull over, and shove that fucking newspaper down his throat. He’s the reason I don’t carry a gun.

I finally got around that guy, only to roll into work about 10 minutes late. Normally, no big deal. Until I realized that I was the only one here. The girl who answers the phones didn’t show up, and neither did her husband which is the only guy in sales. I had to run and answer the phones, which I don’t really know how to work, until someone else showed up today. I should have just let them ring, because there was no one in sales yet to transfer the calls to!

Fun morning so far…..hows your day?

Anyone watch this show? My wonderful wife set up TiVo to pick this up for me. So GSN ran a marathon leading up to the last show, which is next week I believe. Anyway, TiVo picked up like 6 episodes, and last nightI started watching them. Well, I started and ended watching them. I swear, I knew I should have gone to bed, but dammit, I wanted to see the next one. So I was up until like 1:00am watching that show.

The last one I saw, Hollywood Dave lost heads up to the dildo from Michigan. Hollywood Dave was right though, it is a pretty stupid format. Three people are playing hold em to see who ends up heads up for the final elimination. The guy from Michigan ends up losing all his money to this old guy, and the old guy gets to sit pretty while the other two have to play heads up for elimination. Hollywood Dave said it was bullshit that the guy from Michigan basically gets two chances. He plays like a donkey and loses his money to the old guy, but gets another chance to go heads up against Hollywood. Makes no sense.

Whatever though, it’s a fun show. I’m rooting for David Williams anyway. The downside….I’m draggin ass this morning.

Get hammered, have fun.

Tonight, I’m going to TNA wrestling! Fish is a huge wrestling fan and he scored some good tickets, so we’re going to check it out. I used to be a wrestling fan, and still watch it every once in a while. WWE is such garbage though, that I stopped watching it until I saw TNA. It reminds me a little of ECW, but with a better production. Although the wrestling isn’t as crazy as the old ECW was, that was great.

For those of you reading that have no idea who WWE, ECW or TNA…..
is this an indian or an eskimo?

I just bought one of these:

It’s a bicycle tire pump.

I haven’t used one of these since I was a kid, but I remember how to use them. Well, I thought I did.

The nozzle on the end of the hose, has a little latch on it. You open up the latch, stick the nozzle on the tire stem, then snap the latch down, which clamps the pump to the tire. But the pump that I just bought is the other way around. For this one to work, you have to have the latch in the down position to stick it on the stem, then you flip it up to latch it down. There is something inherently wrong with this. And for the record, it took me fucking forever to figure that out. So between my childhood, and now, the bike-tire-pump-makers of the world switched this around. What the hell for? What was wrong with the old way?

I am remembering this correctly, right? Am I losing it?