You ever been sleeping, minding your own business, and all of a sudden your wife shoots up in bed, wakes you up and tells you that she heard someone coming in the house?

Last night, Kel shot up in bed and woke me up. She was saying “Honey! Honey!” in kind of a whispering/yelling voice. My first thought was “what the fuck?” then after I cleared the cobwebs, I asked her what was going on. She said that she heard someone coming in the garage door. (the one coming into the house)

Here’s what flashed through my brain in a split second.
If someone is here, what the hell am I going to do…other then be the first to die.
I need a gun.
Wait, the dog is sleeping, she didn’t hear shit, Kels for sure dreaming.
Dammit, I wish the dog would move over, she’s laying where my legs should be who the hell does she think she is?
What time is it….2:00am, cool I have a while to sleep!
Gotta rotate the pillow to find the cool spot again dammit.
Oh wait, let me see how Kel is doing….

Then, the best part of the whole thing, Kel says “Huh! Did you hear that one, what was that noise!?!”

The noise she was referring to was, of course, nothing. She was still half dreaming. So I told her everything was fine, and to go back to sleep. I took all of about 6 seconds to go to sleep myself. Then I get an email this morning that says “lol sorry about last night, I must have been dreaming”.

The best part is that during our correspondence this morning about our intruder last night, Kel sent this:

“Its funny NOW… last night I was ready to get a new dog… I thought how in the hell did I hear that and Jasmine is still sleeping.. lazy ass no good dog”

I fell out laughing at my desk. Because, as we came to realize, dogs can’t hear shit that only happens in your head.